Child Abuse and Owning Who You Are

By Angie

Now this is a topic most people don't want to discuss or hear about. Unless you're a survivor. When you get to the point that you are ready to talk about it, make sure you choose someone you trust. Someone you know will stand by you and listen, without criticism or judgment. The reason I say this is because, as I said earlier, most don't like hearing about it. It makes them realize that such things do happen in real life.

Some people may tell you that you shouldn't talk about it, shouldn't tell others what happened as it makes them uncomfortable. All you need to do in that instance is stop the conversation and move on. Anyone that is truly there for you or cares for you will listen and lend a shoulder if needed.

I dated a man once that told me that he didn't want to hear about it or know what happened to me, that I shouldn't tell people about it as it made them think differently of me. They might see me as tainted or damaged goods. I was shocked, it was the first time anyone had said anything like that to me. I realized right then and there that I did not want to date someone that had no interest in knowing what helped make me who I am. If he had no interest in hearing of my past, he had no interest in knowing who I am in the present or will be in the future.

Anything that happened in our past helps to form who we are today or will be in time. You don't want to continue on with people that are not supportive or see you as being somehow responsible. There are enough insecure people in this world, we abuse survivors should be proud we survived and are willing to talk about what happened to us.

On that note, I feel the need to say this: as survivors of abuse we should be proud we lived through it, but we should never use it as a crutch or a reason for not thriving in life. I've known some people that use it as an excuse to live less than their potential, thinking people should feel sorry for them. Yes it is a horrible thing to live through, but with all the terrible things that happen to people on a regular basis, we should never use it for sympathy or think that because we were abused we should be given special treatment. It's something that was done TO us, therefore we can, with help, move past it and live a great life. There is nothing like the feeling of being set free from our childhood if it was a bad one. The best way to get over it is to live well.