Sexual Molestation

By Angie

Sexual molestation is much more common than many people know. It's appalling at the number of molestations that take place every year. And boys are molested as well, not just girls.

Anyone that has been molested sexually knows the pain and torment that go along with it. It's something that sticks with you as you grow into adulthood. Some think that if the molestation was an isolated incident it won't affect the person as much. I beg to differ.

Many people don't understand that once that line is crossed the damage is done. There is no going back from that point. Basic emotions have already been affected deeply. More often than not the people that don't see it as being that bad are those that have not been molested. Unless you have been through it yourself it is difficult to fully comprehend the devastation it has caused.

No matter if the molestation happened once, or many times over, as in my case, the same basic feelings are created. For one there is shame. A deep and profound shame, as though the child that was molested was somehow at fault, they must have done something to cause it. Not to mention that if the child's body reacts to the molestation, which is a natural physical reaction, the child feels even more shame over it. Children don't understand that their bodies will react to stimulation, the physical part of the molestation. It's as though they are being betrayed by their own reactions to it, hence feeling guilty. As though they actually enjoyed it, when this is totally absurd. No child enjoys being molested. For years I myself felt a terrible shame, as though I was dirty, because my body reacted in ways I couldn't control.

Guilt, as I mentioned earlier, is also caused in the child. I felt guilty, as though I had somehow made my molester show such interest in me. I would watch what clothing I wore, how I behaved, how much I talked or reacted to every day things. It was to the point where during the summer I wouldn't wear shorts or halters around my molester, thinking that if I covered myself up and he couldn't see as much, he might leave me alone and not be interested. Again, this is absurd, but as a child I didn't know that. In my mind I had somehow done something to make him molest me.

What children need to understand and be taught is that no matter what the child does, it does NOT make someone want to molest them. It is the sickness in the molester themself that makes them do these things. It has nothing to do with the child at all. Quite often children are molested because of the access the molester has to them. The sexual molester is totally to blame, the child is blameless and innocent, yet has to live with the consequences of the molestation for years to come, sometimes a lifetime.

I have found, through getting to know and talking with, many abuse survivors, that they are too ashamed to seek help to deal with all of the conflicting emotions the molestation has caused. They go through their lives too afraid to tell anyone about the abuse, afraid that they will be seen as unclean, guilty of 'letting it happen'. For all survivors I feel a profound connection. It is never too late to seek help in dealing with the effects of molestation.