Sexual Molestation and Effects...Again

By Angie

I keep coming back to this because there are so many things about being abused that affect us once we get older. If you were molested as a child you know what I am talking about.

I thought I would never get married. In my mind, I saw it as though I would be bored with just one person for years and years, yet once I sought therapy and really faced what I had been though I realized that it wasn't a fear of boredom, it was a fear of being seen as being tainted, bad in some way, that I could never truly love someone, a man. I thought there was too much wrong with me to be able to stay with one person for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to make them happy. And really, how happy can we be with someone if we are not happy with ourselves.

While married I didn't like to have sex, at least not after a couple of years. At first and for the longest time I thought it was because of my childhood, there was something wrong with me. Even my husband would tell me there was something wrong with me, that he thought because of my childhood I didn't want to have sex, I didn't enjoy it, it was something I had to do. It took me a long time to get over that. I blamed myself for years, all because I was willing to take the blame. I was willing to believe the worst of myself, all because I was molested. Then one day I knew that wasn't the case.

My husband and I weren't getting along. He would get up in the morning and yell at the kids for making noise, yet they were small and always slept through the night. Of course they would make noise in the morning, they were in a good mood and hyper. I would get up with them, make breakfast. My husband would yell and freak out until he left for work, after that things would be relaxed. In time my husband would work all of the time, couldn't stand to be home, liked quiet and to be by himself. All the while coming home at night and wanting to have sex, even though he spent the morning yelling and not around all day. Even I blamed myself for not wanting to be with him.

As time went by I started to see that maybe it wasn't me. Maybe it was because I was unhappy, home all day with the kids, which was great, but with no one to really talk to. Once my husband came home I would talk his ear off. When he wanted to have sex I would refuse. This was not because of being abused as a child, this was due to being ignored as an adult.

Being abused does have effects, many in fact. But we shouldn't mistake the effects of child abuse with being treated badly as adults.